A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he
sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A
nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean
spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, and
asked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"

The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here that
determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table.
By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."

The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,
"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string
hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. That
same efficiency expert determined that we spend 21.4% of our time
washing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of that
string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the
string to get my tool out of my pants, go, and then return to work.
Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands.
Saves a lot of time."

"Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back
in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use
the spoon." 

What does Bill say to prospective interns?

"Haven't I cum across your face before?"

What's the difference between Madonna and the Panama Canal?

Well, you see, the Panama canal is a busy ditch... 

What's Michael Jackson's favorite hobby?
Blowing bubbles. 

        Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall --
        a real glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight
        pin.  Naturally they won't believe, so you set out to
        prove it.

        Get a glass of water and a pin.  Hold the glass up to the
        wall and start to pin it up.  And then drop the pin.
        You've got the glass in position just right, so you ask
        your victim real nice to get the pin for you.  When they
        bend down to pick it up, dump the water on their head.

This works especially well when there's a crowd of people watching.
It can also be very dangerous for the joker, so be careful if you
try it.