You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.

How did the blond break her leg while raking leaves?


She fell out of the tree



sent by Chris

Age        DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
        17         "Burger King"
        25         "Free meal"
        35         "A diamond"
        48         "A bigger diamond"
        66         "Home Alone"

Good News, Bad News, Worse News

  Good: 
        Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
   Bad: 
        You can't find your birth control pills
 Worse: 
        Your daughter borrowed them

   Seems God was just about done creating the universe, had a couple of
   left-over things left in his bag of creations, so he stopped by to
   visit Adam and Eve in the Garden.
   
   He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the
   ability to stand up and pee.
   
   "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple who he found hanging
   around under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you
   wanted that ability."
   
   Adam popped a cork, jumped up and begged, "Oh, give that to me! I'd
   love to be able to do that! It seems the sort of thing a Man should
   do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It
   would be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the
   animals, I could just let it rip, I'd be so cool. Oh please God let it
   be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh
   please.........." On and on he went like an excited little boy (who
   had to pee).
   
   Eve just smiled and shook her head at the display. She told God that
   if Adam really wanted it so badly, and it sure seemed to be the sort
   of thing that would make him happy, she really wouldn't mind if Adam
   were the one given the ability to stand up and pee.
   
   And so it was. And it was...well, good.
   
   "Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of left-over gifts. "And
   what do we have left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms..."