If the Franklin Mint made toasters...
Every month, you would receive another lovely hand-crafted
piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were
arguing as to which profession was older.
     "Well," argued the doctor, "without a
physician mankind could not have survived, so I am
sure that mine is the oldest profession."
     "No," said the engineer, "before life began
there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer
to create some semblance of order from this chaos.
So engineering is older."
     "But," chirped the triumphant politician,
"who created the chaos?"

How do you know when a blonde has been working on your computer?

There's white out on the screen and lipstick on the joystick!

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a 
picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one 
raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What 
animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good 
Sally," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. 
None of the students holds up his/her hands. "See the stripes on 
this animal? What animal has stripes?" Billy holds up his hand and 
says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next 
she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized 
the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's 
something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

A husband and wife went to the fairgrounds. The wife wanted to go on the
Ferris wheel, but the husband wasn't comfortable with that. So the wife
went on the ride by herself.

The wheel went round and round and suddenly the wife was thrown out and
landed in a heap at her husband's feet.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

"Of course I'm hurt!" she replied. "Three times around and you didn't wave
once!"