There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at
   their local bar, they
   got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their
   igloos were. They could
   agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided
   to determine who,
   indeed, had the coldest igloo.
   They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and
   poured a cup of
   water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the
   floor solid. "Not bad"
   said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder
   still.
   So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!"
   and took a big breath
   and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to
   the floor. "Wow,
   that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo
   exclaimed his was
   colder still.
   So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!"
   and went into the
   bedroom, looked under three hugh back thick furs, and retrieved one of
   several small balls
   of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a
   spoon, and held a match
   under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".
   He won..............................................................
   

Twenty men die and go to heaven. When they arrive they are told
to seperate into two lines. One for all the husbands that are
under their wives control and they other for those that control
their wives.

After the men seperate one of the angels notices that their are
nineteen men in the first line and only one in the second.

The angel walks up to the man and asks why he was so sure of his
independence.

"That's easy," said the fellow, "My wife told me to stand here!" 

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops
   for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door
   saying "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT OWN RISK!" He goes in and sits
   down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of
   nerdy, asks him what he does for a living. The truck driver says he
   drives a truck, and the smell is just from the computers he is
   hauling. The bartender says OK, truck drivers are not nerds, and
   serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in
   with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of
   pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender,
   without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The
   truck driver asks him why he did that. The bartender said not to
   worry, the nerds are overpopulating the Silicon Valley, and are in
   season now. You don't even need a license, he said.
   So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and
   heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident,
   and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out
   all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming,
   grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and
   programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't
   let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the
   bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of
   them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps
   out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said,
   "What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season."
   "Well, sure," said the patrolman, "But you can't bait 'em."

A very drunk man in a bar tells the bartender and everyone that is
sitting near him that he can fart out the tune to The Star Spangelled Banner!
Everyone who hears this wants to see him do it. So he tells everyone to
gather around him, then he climbs up on the bar, drops his trousers and 
proceeds to take a massive dump on the bar counter. After he
finishes the disgusted bartender says "Why in the hell did you shit on my
bar?" The drunk replies "Even Elvis had to clear his throat!"

Sent by Paul

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an 
apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she 
looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously.  So 
the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. 

She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you 
done that and what are you praying for?"

The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 
years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the 
brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come 
back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from 
the earth."

The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come 
here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she 
asks.

The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."