Out All Night Drinking

   An Irishman's been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally
   says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat
   on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and
   maybe that will sober him up.
   Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls
   home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls
   through the door and up the stairs.
   When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time
   he falls right into bed and is sound asleep.
   He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at
   him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!"
   "How did you know?" he asks.
   "The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again."

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? 

     He forgot to wrap his whopper. 

Whats worse than shit on Olivia Newton Johns face?

Cum on Eileen.

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of
a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he
starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a
grave with a headstone that reads: Ludwig van Beethoven,
1770-1827. Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth
Symphony and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he
leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with
him.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has
changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the
previous piece, it is being played backward.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.  When
they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing,
again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are
being played in the reverse order in which they were
composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.

By the next day the word has spread and a throng has
gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the
Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for
the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's
just decomposing!"

Why do men like blonde jokes??

     Because they can understand them.