A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he then charged them $32.00. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office."
The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game, she will describe an object and the students will tell her what she had described. Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem." Timmy: " I know what it is, it's an apple." Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." "OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it." Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange." Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking." Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher?" Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for a second, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it." Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!" Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!"
There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!" Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you." 10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom. Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself. "What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty. "Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out of the delivery room after his wife gives birth to their son. Michael says, "How long before we can have sex?" The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
A photographer from a well known national magazine was assigned to cover the fires at Yellowstone National Park. When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground level. He requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!'' The pilot swung the little plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air. The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I am a photographer," he responded, "and photographers take photographs." The pilot was silent for a moment; finally he stammered, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?"
