An election-time bumper-sticker:

"Jews for Buchanan"

Before we were married Wife used to always say, "You're only 
interested in one thing." Trouble is now though, after 36 years, 
I've forgotten what the hell it was.

Jack Benny swears that one evening when he was invited to play for the 
President, a guard stopped outside the White House gate and asked, 
"Whatcha got in that case, Mr. Benny?"

Benny answered solemnly, "A machine gun."

With equal solemnity, the guard nodded. "Enter, friend. I was afraid for a 
minute it was your violin!"