'A kleptomanaic is a person who helps himself
because he can't help himself'

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. 

    -- Mark Twain

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

    -- Mark Twain

If triangles had a God, He'd have three sides.

    -- Old Yiddish proverb

When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood
up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you
don't believe?"

    -- Quentin Crisp