Some people come here to take a shit, I come here to leave one.


  

The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second
   marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still
   find my #%@# clothes."
   - Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he
   keeps a color photo of himself above his locker

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but
   phone calls taper off.
   -- Johnny Carson