Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be
   discontinued... Reason: it has been reported to our office that you
   expired on January 1, 1976.
   -- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid

After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal,
   the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
   David Steele to the post.
   -- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode
   Island

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn
   from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent
   disinclination to do so.
   -- Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

   In the men's room at a Burger King restaurant:
   It takes the human body about 24 hours to turn good food into shit. It
   only takes Burger King 10 minutes.


  

* No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.