ELEMENT: WOMAN
SYMBOL: WO 
DISCOVERER: ADAM 
ATOMIC MASS:
Accepted as 53.6 Kg, but known to vary from 40 to 200 Kg.
OCCURRENCE:
Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface normally covered with a painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity to gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no apparent reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man. 

Common Uses: 

1. Highly ornamental.
2. Can be a great aid in relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent. 

Tests: 

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards: 

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be
maintained at different locations as long as specimens don't come
into contact with each other.

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of 
corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. 

"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in 
with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." 

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think 
Pa would like me to." 

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. 

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't 
like it." 

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better 
now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." 

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, 
where is he?" 

"Under the wagon."

Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for 
$500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are 
you going to do with the money?" 

"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. 

"What have you got for collateral?" 

"Don't know collateral." 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of 
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?" 

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" 

"Yes, I have a horse." 

"How old is it?" 

"Don't know, has no teeth." 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several 
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a 
roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker 
the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" 

"Put in teepee." 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. 

"Don't know deposit." 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. 
When you want to use it you can withdraw it." 

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for 
collateral?"

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he 
told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mum : Well, you have done the right thing.

Son : But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive 
called his newly hired assistant into his office. "Do you know 
what time we quit around here ?" he asked.

"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody 
knocks on the door."