A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger
walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up
in the woods and scratched your butt
and felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your
crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

"Wanna go camping?" 

What's the difference between condoms and coffins?

They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!

A Ken and Barbie Joke: Why does Barbie never get pregnant?

Because Ken always comes in a box!

Mongo's old lady decided she wanted t do
something special to please him on his
birthday, so she bought a pair of crotchless
panties. 
That night, as he came into the house, she
lay sprawled on the couch spread-eagle.
"Hi hon," she purred sexily. "Y'all want
some of this?"
"Hell, no!" he hollered. "Look at what it's
done to your undies!"

What happened to the Pope when he visited Mount Olive? 

     - Popeye almost killed him.