What's the definition of a virgin?

an ugly third grader

Age         Line

17         My parents are away for the weekend.
25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35         My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48         My wife is away for the weekend.
66         My second wife is dead.

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a
poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane.
The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are you here?"
The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well.
I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick
so he brought me here to be put to sleep."
The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here?"
The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high
strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I
even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been
happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought
me here to be put to sleep."
The poodle and schnauzer ask the great Dane why he is here.
The great Dane responds: "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday
she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick
up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over
and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I
couldn't help myself. "
The poodle asks: "so she brought you here to put to sleep?"
"Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."

What would you do if you had a condum with a hole
in it in one pocket, and a rattle snake in the other pocket? 

     I don't know either, but I do know that I wouldn't screw with either one of them. 

Science alert

Scientists have just discovered something that can
do the work of five men: a woman.