How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

How many can you afford?

Only in America...

   Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an
   ambulance...
   Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a
   skating rink...
   Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry,
   and a diet coke...
   Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
   pens to the counters...
   Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
   driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...
   Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and
   then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
   want to talk to in the first place...
   Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
   packages of eight...
   Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the
   process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning
   "blood-sucking creatures"...

What do you do when you're finished fucking a ten year old girl?
A: Turn her over and pretend she's a ten year old boy!

Did you hear about the queer deaf mute?

     - Neither did he. 

Q.      Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A.      It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.