There are three friends, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
They were on a cruise ship and it was heading home.  When they
got about 20 miles of shore the boat began to sink (no idea
way use your imagination).  The three girls jump off and swim
to a nearby island.  After being there a few days the brunette
tries to swim to shore.  She gets about five miles off the
island's shore and drowns. After a few days pass the redhead decides
that she will try. She gets about have way and drowns.  Now
realizing all her friends are gone she decides to try too.  Now she
swims for hours.  She gets to where she can see the shore but she
is so tired she decieds to turn around and go back.

Sent by Evan

   ("Bird" is an English Term equivalent to "Chick", and "tight" is
   equivalent to "cheap")
   You never would have guessed that, right?
   
   This bloke walks into a bar with an ostrich and cat. They all sit down
   at a table and the man goes to the bar and says, "A pint of Bitter for
   myself, a Gin &Tonic for the ostrich and a Scotch for the cat".
   
   The Barman is a little perplexed but serves the drinks anyway.
   
   Sometime later the ostrich goes to the bar and says, "A G&T for
   myself, a pint of bitter for the guv'nor and a whisky for the cat."
   
   The barman is even more bemused but still serves the drinks.
   
   This goes on all evening with the man and the ostrich alternately
   buying rounds of drinks, but the cat never does. By the end of the
   evening the barman asks the man, "Look, whats the story? I have to
   know, why do you have an ostrich and a cat? And how come the cat never
   buys a round?"
   
   "Well it's quite a story," says the man. "I was walking down the road
   one day when I found a bottle. I uncorked this bottle and Genie came
   out and said, `Oh thank you for releasing me, oh Master, what is your
   heart's desire? Tell me and it shall be yours.'
   
   "So I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy."
   

The aged patient doddered into the doctor's office with a serious complaint.
"Doc, you've got to do something to lower my sex drive."
"Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head."
"Thats what I mean, you've got to lower it a little." 

   Titicons
   (.)(.) tiny tits
   (o) (o) regular tits
   ( O )( O ) big tits
   ( @ ) ( @ ) big harry tits
   ( ' ) ( ' ) perky tits
   {.} {.} shriveled tits
   ( , ) ( , ) drippy tits
   [ _ ] [ _ ] android tits
   ( # ) ( # ) Tysoned tits
   

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Yugo 
rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car. 
You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!"

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have a phone." The driver of the Yugo 
says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there, too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my 
Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."

The driver of the Yugo says, "That's great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I 
got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!" The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, 
says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"

The driver of the Yugo says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there too? I got a bed in 
the back of my Yugo!" Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped 
away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in 
the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car, and the bed
looked superb, with satin sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce. 
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day.

Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the 
inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn't any answer, 
he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet. 

"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly. 

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower to tell me THAT?!?!"