These two sperm were swimmin' around, doin' their thing and one sperm asks the other...Hey, are we almost there??? Is this the fallopian tube??? Sperm #2 says "Naaaa this is still the esophagus".
"Dad, can i ask you something?" "Sure! What about?" "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think it's just proper that i should own one." "And what is this 'one' you're referring to?" "Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?" "No." "My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention." "Nope." "It will be just proper at my age..." "I said no way...!" "But all of my friends wears.......!" "David! How many times shall i tell you that bras are for girls!?"
What's so great about being a dick ? 1) You've got a head with no brains. 2) Two nuts follow you around all day. 3) Your neighbor is an asshole. 4) Your best friend is a cunt !
Application For Permission To Date My Daughter Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician. Name:______________________________________________________ Date of Birth:________________ Height:_____________________ Weight:______ IQ:___________________________ GPA:_____________ Social Security Number:_____ Driver's License Number:______ Boy Scout Rank:_____________ Telephone:____________________ Home Address:______________________________________________ City:_______________________ State:________________________ Zip:_____________ 1.Do you have one male and one female parent? ____ If "No", explain: 2.Number of years your parents have been married: ____ Any brothers or sisters? ____ Are they normal? ____ 3.Do you own or have access to a van? ____ A truck with oversize tires? ____ A waterbed? ____ 4.Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____ 5.Do youi have a tattoo? ____ If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately. 6.In fifty words or less, what does Late mean to you? 7.In fifty words or less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you? 8.In fifty words or less, what does Abstinence mean to you? 9.In fifty words or less, what does Real Pain mean to you? 10.Church/Temple you attend: ____________________________ How often do you attend: ____________________________ 11.When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________ 12.Please fill in the blanks: a.If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________ b.If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________ c.A woman's place is in the ____________________________ d.The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________ e.When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________ Note: If answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised 13.What do you want to be if you grow up? I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture or mental abuse. Signature of applicant _________________________________ Signature of father _____________________________________ Signature of mother ____________________________________ Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________ Signature of State Representative _________________________ Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.
A young girl had not been feeling well and went to her family doctor. "Young lady," the doctor began, "you're pregnant." "But that can't be. The only men I've been with are nudists and in, our colony we practice sex only with our eyes." "Well my dear," said the doctor, "someone in that colony is cockeyed."
