The young lady admired the watch in the store window every 
time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day 
and said, "Just how much is that watch?"

"It's $2000, ma'am."

"Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?"

"Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking two times a week for the next two months."

Where does Peter Pan eat?

Wendy's

   A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
   while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up
   on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
   swallows it whole.
   
   The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your
   monkey just did?"
   
   "No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.
   
   "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says
   the bartender.
   
   "Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me
   nuts" says the patron.
   
   The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
   
   Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and
   the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is
   drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs
   one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The
   bartender is disgusted.
   
   "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
   
   "What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass,
   then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.
   
   "Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate
   that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!"
   

   A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her older sister just
   come out of the shower.
   The young girl looks at her sisters pussy and asks "What's that?"
   Her sister replies "That is my possum, sis!"
   The young girl replies "Oh, OK"
   The next day she sees her mother get out of the shower and a pointing
   at her pussy again
   asks "What's that?"
   Her mother replies "That's my possum!"
   The young girl again replies "Oh, OK"
   The next day she sees her grandmother getting out of the shower and
   once again pointing at
   her pussy asks "What's that?"
   The grandmother replies "That's my possum!"
   The young girl replies "Oh, grandmother, is your possum dead?"
   The grandmother, looking a little dazzled replies "No, deary, why do
   you ask?"
   The young girl replies "Oh, its just that your possums tongue is
   sticking out!"
   

Why did the chicken cross the road?

BILL CLINTON: 
Let me say this one more time.
I did not have sexual relations with
that chicken.