I suppose some degree of commerce would grind to a halt if telephone 
solicitors weren't able to call people at home during dinner hour.
But that doesn't make it any more pleasant.

Now Steve Rubenstein, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, has 
proposed  "Three Little Words" based on his brief experience in a 
telemarketing operation that would stop the nuisance for all time.  The 
three little words are "Hold On, Please."
Saying this while putting down your phone and walking off instead of 
hanging up immediately would make each telemarketing call so time-
consuming that boiler rooms would grind to a halt.  When you eventually 
hear the phone company's beep-beep-beep tone, you know it's time to go 
back and hang up your handset, which has efficiently completed its task.  
This might be one of those articles you'll want to e-mail to your 
friends.  Three little words that eliminate telephone soliciting.

Dear Abby: 

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. 
My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive but really great and 
understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited
me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a
bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place, we 
reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then
she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and 
that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. 

Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said
that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood
there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly
how to deal with this situation. 

I headed straight out the front door............... 
There, leaning against my car, was her husband, my father-in-law to be.
He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a 
good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and
he congratulated me on passing their little test. Abby, should I tell
my fiancee what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" 
was asinine and insulting to my character?

Or should I keep the whole thing to myself, including the fact that the 
reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom? 

Signed, 

Confused

If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now 
be worth $49. If you had bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not 
the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, and traded in the cans at a 
redemption center for the nickel deposit, you would have $107.

Given the current conditions of the economy, my advice is to drink 
heavily and recycle.