Sign in an optometrist window:

If you don't see what you want, you've come to the right place. 

On our last vacation, my wife and I saved some money by staying in
a cheap hotel. Just as we were falling asleep, we heard the sounds
of mattress springs and a banging headboard from the next room.

At first we were amused by the amorous couple.
After five minutes it had lost its charm.
After ten minutes we were getting pretty annoyed, in that it was
keeping us awake.
After fifteen minutes, we were just plain ticked off.

After half an hour we were pretty damned impressed. 

I was sitting behind a car at a stop light the other day and I noticed that
it had a bumper sticker that read "Honk if you love Jesus". So I thought
about it a bit and since I loved Jesus, I honked my horn.

I was very suprised when the driver of the car got out and yelled, "The
light is still red you asshole!!!!" got back in the car and drove off
through the light which had just turned green.