You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,
but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. 

                                     -Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.  One of my friends
told me she was in labor for 36 hours.  I don't even want to do anything
that feels good for 36 hours.

                                           -Rita Rudner

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.  

                                            -Wendy Liebman

I don't do drugs anymore...I get the same effect just standing up fast.

Marriage changes passion...
suddenly you're in bed with a relative.