There was an old maid of Nantucket
Had an asshole as big as a bucket.
While bent over the oven
A-dreamin' of lovin',
Her goat siezed the moment to fuck it. 

Cleopatra while helping to pump
Ground out such a furious bump,
That Antony's dick
Snapped off like a stick
And left him to pump with a stump. 

There was a young fellow named Rummy
Who delighted in whipping his dummy.
He played pocket pool
With his happy old tool
Till his shorts and his pants were all cummy 

There was young man named Pete
Who was a bit indiscrete.
He pulled on his dong
Till it grew very long
And actually dragged in the street 

There once was a woman from Wheeling
Who had a funny feeling
So she laid on her back
And tickled her crack,
And peed all over the ceiling!