What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of
heat and excitement?

Firetruck

What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting
down and a dog do on three legs?

Shake hands

Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to 
get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way 
go past a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man 
behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" 
The pharmacist answers, "Yes." 
Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course we do." 
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" 
Pharmacist: "All kinds." 
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" 
Pharmacist: "Definitely." 
Jacob: "How about Viagra?" 
Pharmacist: "Of course." 
Jacob: "Medicine for memory?" 
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety." 
Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?" 
Pharmacist: "Absolutely." 
Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts." 

You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I
get wet before you do. What am I?

A Tent

This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket.

That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.