Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,' there lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation. One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced, "Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumors!" The crowd fell into an expectant silence. The Minister continued, "One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan.' This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the guilty party confess and apologize now - right here - before my flock of loyal followers." A young woman quickly stood up blushing and trembling and pled, "Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
Q: How do Redneck mothers know when their daughters are having their period? A: Their son's dicks taste funny!
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late In the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."
Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever. Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!" "Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smack it till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords." So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smacking their dicks together playing swords. Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions. "We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums. The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becoming exhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, kill me!!"
Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around = the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the = Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his = stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he = kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself. "Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the = accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you = believe, man?" "Aw, heck no!" replied Rabbi Stern, "I was just checking." "Checking? Checking for what?" Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: = "Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!"
