A New York boy was being led through the swamps of
Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't
attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya
carry the flashlight."

A hill country husband died and left everything to his wife.
He put a provision in his will though that she couldn't touch
any of it until she turned 14.

Two old friends from the mountains ran into each other at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."at the
local bar. One said, "Heard ya went to the big city Jeb." His
friend replied, "Yep. Even tried me out one of those 'loose
women' ya always hear about." "You don't say." said the first
man. "Bet that was costly." "Nope." Jeb smirked. "Kinfolk."

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to
Austin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. 
    The Redneck says "I want my $20 million."
To which the man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give you a million today, and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 years." 
    The Redneck said, "Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHT
now! I won it, and I want it." 
    Again the man patiently explains that he would only get a
million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. 
    The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I
WANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20
million "right now," THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!

After their love-making session the young bride asks her husband "Was
making love to me really the same as making love to Marilyn Monroe?"
"Yes, she's dead to!""Was making love to me really the same as making
love to Marilyn Monroe?"

"Yes, she's dead to!"