Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and 
found the boss waiting for him.  "What's the story this time, Jones?" he 
asked sarcastically.  "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.  The wife decided 
to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the 
drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river 
(look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. 
Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was 
carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously 
disappointed.  "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. 
When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as 
a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his 
new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I 
wonder how the girls are doing?" 

A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so 
he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he's reading, 
and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun 
spot... "Kitza kitza..."
She says, "Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and 
teasing me like that?"
He says, "I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the 
page."