Howard had felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear that small inner voice trying to reassure him, "Howard. Don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of your patients and you won't be the last." But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, "Howard. You're a veterinarian."
Q: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? A: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
Q: How do you make a hormone? A: Don't pay her.
This woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it. "Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local law. She sees the local sheriff's car parked in front of the town bar. "It figures," she says as she storms inside. The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff who's sitting at the bar with his drink. "What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal....and then...I come in here....and see this old man in the corner jacking-off right in public!!!!??" "Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "you don't expect him to catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
Three lawyers met at an upscale nightspot for drinks one Friday night, got real plastered and met with unfortunate results on their way home. On Saturday, they were comparing notes during a round of golf. Lawyer 1 said he had gotten so drunk that he became disoriented and was very sick. When he arrived home he said that he was in such bad shape that he even blew chunks. Lawyer 2 said he thought he had an even worse experience. He lost control of his new BMW and totaled it by driving it into a utility pole. Fortunately, he wasn't injured in the crash. Lawyer 3 claimed his experience was the worst. He said when he got home his girlfriend was so pissed at him for being out late that she started throwing things at him. She totally destroyed a Ming dynasty vase that had an appraised value of over a half a million dollars. Then she went into the garage and started up his new Ferrari after dumping sugar in the gas tank. Lawyer 1 was standing there just shaking his head and crying uncontrollably. The other two asked him what was the matter. He said, "You guys just don't understand - "Chunks" is my dog!"
