Version 1. This butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by strange noises coming from below, so he tiptoed downstairs and saw his 19-year-old daughter sitting on the chopping block and masturbating with a liverwurst. The butcher sighed and tiptoed back to bed. The next morning, when a customer walked in and asked for some liverwurst, the butcher said that he didn't have any left. The customer was really annoyed, she pointed to the corner of the shop and asked, "No liverwurst? Well, what's that hanging on the hook right over there?" The butcher frowned at her. "That", he replied, "is my son-in-law."
Version 2: A 60 year old woman came home one day and heard strange noises in her bedroom. She opened the door and discovered her 40 year old daughter playing with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" asked the Mom. "Mom, I am 40 years old and look at me. I am ugly. I will never get married, so this is pretty much my husband." The mother walked out of the room, shaking her head. The next day the father came home and heard noises in the bedroom and upon entering the room found his daughter using the vibrator. "What the hell are you doing?!" he asked. His daughter replied, "I already told Mom. I am 40 years old now and ugly. I will never get married so this is as close as I'll ever get to a husband." The father walked out of the room shaking his head too. The next day the Mother came home to find her husband with a beer in one hand and the vibrator sitting next to him, watching the football game. "For Christ's sake, what are you doing?" she cried. The husband replied, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a beer and watching the game with my new son-in-law!"
One day Johnny went to his father and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have an $ 80,000 mortgage on the house and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Xmas" Xmas came around and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry about that. Ask me again some other time." Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him and asked him why he was leaving. The boy said, "Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 Mortgage!"
A sweet little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" So, her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperm and eggs etc. He tells her about puberty, menstruation, men and women and love...... He thinks what the hell, and tells her the works, thinking that to tell it all is the only way to tell truth. The girl is somewhat awe struck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge, and her father finally asks, "So why did you wish to know about sex?" "Oh, mommy said lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
A boy walks into the bathroom and catches his mom sitting on the bowl in her full glory. He runs out to tell his father. He asks his father "What's that big gash between mommy's legs?" The father replies, "That's where I accidentally hit her with an axe!" The boy replies "WOW, you got her right in the cunt!"
