Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the
Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen,
welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts
fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the
gate!"



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An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers
exited, give a smile, and a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline."  He said
that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the
passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart 
comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking
with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot, "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we
land or were we shot down?"



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Four elderly ladies were driving in a car. One of the 
ladies in the car, Rosa, had a heavy hispanic accent.  "As we 
drove thru the industrial area, Rosa said, 'Hey, that's where 
they make the Huge Measles!'  We all looked at each other, 
confused, for a moment before we realized we were going past 
the 'Hughes Missle' plant."



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