You're lucky
   You had your chance
   I tried to fart,
   And shit my pants!


  

   Here I sit
   What a caper
   I have to shit
   But I'm out of paper


  

   Here I sit
   Broken hearted
   Tried to shit
   But only farted


  

Here I lie in stinky vapor,
   Because some bastard stole the toilet paper,
   Shall I lie, or shall I linger,
   Or shall I be forced to use my finger.


  

   THE CREATION OF A VAGINA
   Seven wise men with knowledge so fine
   Created a pussy to their design.
   First was a butcher, smart with wit,
   Using a knife, he gave it a slit.
   Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
   With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
   Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
   By using red velvet, he lined it within.
   Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
   With a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
   Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
   He threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
   Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee,
   He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
   Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
   He sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt