The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor 
asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked 
when was the last time the general had sex.
'Oh,' he mused, 'It was 1945.'
'Isn't that a long time to go without sex?' the doctor asked.
'I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21:13.'  



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1 


A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said "My dog's cross-
eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" 
"Well," said the vet, "lets have a look at him." So he picks the 
dog up and has a good look at its eyes. 
"Hmm," says the vet, "I'm going to have to put him down" 
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the man. 
"No, because he's heavy," says the vet.



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2 


A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great 
expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd
take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine 
in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the 
world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with 
a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365:
"Shall We Gather at the River."



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3 


On the occasion of their fiftieth wedding anniversary, Billy-Bob decided 
to forego a big party and treat Linda-Sue to a memorable evening at home.
Quietly filling the bathtub with champagne, he called her into the 
bathroom and they spent a sensual evening soaking in the tub by 
candlelight.

When they were finished, Billy-Bob decided he couldn't let all that
expensive champagne go to waste, so he carefully poured it back into the
empty bottles. However, when he was finished, he found he had nearly a 
half-bottle too much.

He screamed to his wife, "Linda-Sue, you NASTY BITCH, you DIDN'T?!?"



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4 


A belligerent drunk walks into a bar and hollers:
"I can lick any man in the place!"
The nearest customer looks him up and down,
then says: "Crude, but direct. Tell me, is this your
first time in a gay bar?"



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5