Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, 
lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,
and then says, ``Dammit, I said UP.''  




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1 


A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny 
little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the 
bartender's attention. He glanced at it and said, "It's a ladybug."
After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, "Good Lord, what 
incredible eyesight you have!"



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2 


A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the 
problem?"
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!" 



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3 


A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich 
Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"



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4 


Q. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160?

A. Platoon



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5