A Chinese man had three daughters; he asked his eldest daughter what kind 
of man she would like to marry.
"I would like to marry a man with three dragons on his chest", said the 
eldest daughter. 
He then asked his second daughter whom she would like to marry. 
"I would like to marry a man with two dragons on his chest", said the 
second daughter. 
He finally asked his youngest daughter whom she would like to marry. 
"I would like to marry a man with one draggin' on the ground", said the 
youngest daughter.

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the 
subject of marriage counseling came up. 
"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,"
the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I 
majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act 
like I'm listening."

An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a
living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back
home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the
older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know
I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it
on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to 
legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.

Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?
Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only catch him sitting 
on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his dick in preparation of 
fucking his wife. Johnny's father in attempt to hide his full erection 
with a condom on it bent over as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny 
asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"
His father qiuckly replied "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.", 
to which Little Johnny replied "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"