The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what 
I looked for in a woman.

Naturally I replied, "Big tits."

He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."

So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."

"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you 
want to spend the rest of your life with?"

He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch 
laughing until my gut hurt. "Spend the rest of my life with one 
woman? No woman's tits are that big."

At one job I had, the boss man got the idea that the IT
department should be living up to the slogan, "Giving every
user what they need."

I politely requested, "How do we get them to turn around so
we can kick them in the ass?" It went over quite well, the room
fell out laughing. I don't work there any more.

According to a new study, Americans now spend 94% of their time indoors.
What do you expect from a culture that goes inside a gym to use a walking 
machine?