My cousin Denney came to visit from the farm last summer. I asked
how his bus ride was and he said he had a good ride except for a
rude lady he encountered.

I asked what the problem was, and he said that when the lady got
on there were no seats left, so he offered her his seat. She
declined since she was only riding for a short distance. However,
while she was standing with her butt right in his face, he noticed
her dress was caught up in her crack. He decided to be nice and help
her so he pulled it out.

Well, she turned around and wopped him hard enough to turn his lights
out!

Then I asked him what he did then?

And Denney said that since she was that rude, he poked the dress right
back in there! 

Adventures in teaching

My friend likes to read his two young sons fairy tales
at night. Having a deep-rooted sense of humor, he often
ad-libs parts of the stories for fun.

One day his youngest son was sitting in his first grade
class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three
Little Pigs.

She came to the part of the story where the first pig was
trying to acquire building materials for his home.  She
said "...And so the pig went up to the man with a
wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might
I have some of that straw to build my house with?'" Then the
teacher asked the class "And what do you think that man said?"
and my friend's son raised his hand and said

"I know! I know!  He said 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'"

Recently, when I went to McDonald's. I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets", said the teenager at
the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply "So I can't
order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets.