Andrea told me that while she was playing cards her friend
called.  Her friend said, "What are ya playing?"  Andrea said,
"Solitaire."  He friend (Judi?) said, "Yeah?  Who are you 
playing with?"

PORTLAND, OR - A man was admitted to an emergency clinic with severe
bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, caused in an accident
involving a hand held vacuum cleaner. The man had been vacuuming, wearing
only a bathrobe, when he tripped, having been distracted because his robe
fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some
kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He
fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough
damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the clinic.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space
for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned
with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her dead.