Tombstone Epitaph In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:

Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.
They are standing in front of the big silver
back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a
gesture that the gorilla interprets as an
invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the
fence and takes her to his nest in the pen.
There he ravishhes her and makes passionate
love to her for about 2 hours till he is
tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. 

Her friend visits her the next day and asks" 

Are you hurt?" 

She replies. Of Course I'm hurt, He hasn't
called! He hasn't written!

How can you identify an blind pirate?

He's the one with patches over both eyes. 

What is the last thing you usually hear before a 
                                         redneck dies?


                                         'Hey y'all... Watch this!' 

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract
and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering
trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night
stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already
in one.
"I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me
a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'.