Did you hear about the woman who only had two chances to get pregnant? -She blew them both...
After many months of trying to make ends meet, one California couple decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to have the old lady start hooking. Early the next morning the wife comes home looking very haggard and worn out. The husband guiltily asks how she did, and the wife replies that she earned four hundred dollars and ten cents. "That`s great!" the husband replies. "But who gave you the ten cents?" "Everybody!" replied the wife.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer. Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?" The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98." A few days later the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read: "Legal Consultation Service: $150."
On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, this man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paper work to take the puppy onboard, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snunk him onboard the airplane.. About 30 minutes into the trip a stew noticed the man shaking and quivering. 'Are you OK, sir?' asked the stew? 'Yes, I'm fine.' said the man. Sometime later the stew noticed the man moaning, and shaking again.. 'Are you sure you're alright sir?' 'Yes.' said the man, 'but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy onboard, so I hid him down the front of my pants.' 'Whats wrong?' asked the stew, 'Is he not house broken?' 'No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!'
Why don't mexicans have checking accounts? It's too hard to spray paint your name on the little line.
