A guy went into a bar and met a nice girl. They have a few 
drinks and soon wound up at his place, in bed.
They're having a great time. She was on top when suddenly 
she had an epileptic seizure -- she was shaking and foaming at 
the mouth. Our uninformed male thought this was incredible -- 
best sex he'd ever had.
He finished, but she is still shaking and thrashing about with 
her seizure. He began to get nervous and took her to the 
emergency room.
A nurse asked what the problem was and he replied, "I think 
her orgasm's stuck!" 

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident.
The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in
his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked
it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I
will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They
walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all
sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer
and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how
important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his
house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to
a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that
this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to
St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he
gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church,
and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the
Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But
we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first
lawyer ever to make it up here."

There were two cats that enjoyed running together. 
The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. 
One day when they were running they came to a huge
river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as
far as they could. Which cat drowned? 
     Un-deux-trois cat sank 
     (un deux trois quatre cinq) 

Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars 
between them, but they had built up a computer business with 
sales in the millions. Their company employed over two 
hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes.

Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, 
former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill 
and Mahoney blamed each other for the troubles, and they 
parted on unfriendly terms. 

Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped 
for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some crumbs from the 
table, a waiter approached. Weill looked up and gasped.

"Mahoney!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, 
seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this."

"Yeah," Mahoney said, curling his lip. "But I don't eat here."

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish
funeral?

One less drunk.