Why is a bride always smiling as she walks down the aisle at her wedding? 

     No more blowjobs. 

There is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote 
forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, 
"Mister i'm scared and cold, please let me go",the child molester cries out,
"You think your scared I have to walk home alone!" 

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room,
peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and
horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her
question:

"Will I be acquitted?"

Ventriliquist cowboy walks into town and sees Indian sitting on his porch.

Cowboy: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?

Indian: Dog no talk.

Cowboy: Hey dog, hows it going?

Dog: Doin alright.

Indian: [extreme look of shock]

Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]

Dog: Yep

Cowboy: How's he treat you?

Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me
to the lake once a week to play.

Indian: [look of disbelief]

Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your horse?

Indian: Horse no talk.

Cowboy: Hey horse, how's it going?

Horse: Cool.

Indian: [extremer look of shock]

Cowboy: Is this your owner? [pointing at Indian]

Horse: Yep

Cowboy: How's he treat you?

Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me
down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.

Indian: [total look of amazement]

Cowboy: Mind if I talk to your sheep?

Indian: Sheep Lie!!

In a Texas bar,The bartender Fred was fed up with penis boasting from the
regulars.So to put an end to all the boasting Fred says to them "whip 'em
out".Fred pulls a yard stick from under the bar,at the same time a gay guy
walks into the bar.Fred ask the man if there is something that he can get for
him.The gay  guy replies "i was going to get a beer,but i'll check your buffett
first"