What do the Pope and the Giants have in common?

Both cram 30,000 fans in a stadium and end up saying JESUS CHRIST!!

   Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news
   that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has
   had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to
   celebrate it.
   
   While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells
   them that he is dying of AIDS.
   
   When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer.
   Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"
   
   The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm
   gone!"
   

    The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was
   relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, he
   suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could
   respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing
   that he wasn't wearing any. She glanced down and said, "Nice design,
   does it also come in men's sizes ?

A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into the
coke machine at a large Vegas casino. She kept
punching the buttons only to have happen what you'd
expect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other,
and change too! 

After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so went
and got more. Back at it she went, blocking the way
to the other vending machines with the mounting pile
of soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to the
young lady. 

People were starting to gather, seeing this beautiful
woman enthusiastically plugging money in like it was
fun. The people were gathering more though waiting their
turn at the machines. 

After watching a while, someone asked from the rear of
the group, 'Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?' 

'Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts, 'can't you see I'm
winning here?' 

The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek 
god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman 
deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-
faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or 
less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; 
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. 
Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to 
steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres 
was held with a double-header.