Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called 
into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of 
this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you 
told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this 
is the first job you've ever held."

"Well," the young man replied "in your advertisement you said 
you wanted somebody with imagination."

The Three Laws of Thermodynamics

  1.You can't win.

  2.You can't break even.

  3.You can't quit the game. 

GOD will save me

   The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate
   because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said "GOD
   will save me".
   The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the
   second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save
   him. Again he said "GOD will save me".
   Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on
   the roof of his house. A helicopter came by and tried to save him and
   yet again he said "GOD will save me".
   It wasn't long before the house was completely covered and the man
   died and went to heaven. He confronted God with "Why didn't you save
   me, GOD?"
   And God said " I sent you the police, a boat and a helicopter. Why did
   you stay in the house?"

A driver, obviously drunk, was heading the wrong way down
a one-way street when a policeman pulled him over. "Didn't
you see the arrow, buddy?" he asked.
"An arrow?" the confused driver said. "I didn't even see the
Indians

Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship
that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island.

Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed
of what she was doing.

Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed
of what they were doing.

Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again--being so ashamed
of what they were doing.