An elderly couple, living apart, had been dating for several years. One day Elmer said to Betsy, "We should stop this nonsense. We are paying two rents, two car insurance payments, buying separate food and cooking separate meals. We should just move in together. Betsy: Whose house would we live in? Elmer: Mine, it is already paid for. Betsy: Whose car would we keep and pay insurance on? Elmer: Yours, it is newer and runs better than mine. Betsy: Who would do the cooking? Elmer: You cook and I'll do the dishes. Betsy: What about sex? Elmer: Infrequently. Betsy: Is that one word or two?
What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.
Q. How do you keep the neighborhood kids off your front lawn? A. You molest them!.
Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969." The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog shit, 20 feet back."
