How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle?
    
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with
her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be
when they grew up.
A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute."
The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they
revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped,
"What did you say?"
The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute."
"A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet
Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant." 

How to Hunt Elephants -- Math style
 
Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing
out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
whatever is left.  Professors of mathematics prove the
existence of at least one elephant and leave the capture of
an actual elephant as an exercise for one of their graduate
students.

Sent by Alex 

If K-Tel sold toasters...
They would not be available in stores, and
you would get a free set of Ginsu knives.

   The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the
   night.
   
   "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught young
   mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive."
   
   The physician dressed quickly, but before he could get out the door,
   the phone rang again.
   
   "You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of
   relief. "My husband just found another one."