Joe has always had an uncontrollable twitch in his left eyelid since young. Fred has a splitting headache and asks Joe to go get some aspirins. Half an hour later Joe comes back with a dozen packets of condoms. "I asked you to get me aspirins, not condoms." "Yeah, I went to a dozen drug stores, but have you ever tried asking for aspirin with a tic in your eye?"
There were two people having sex in a car. They finished up and the guy thew the comdom out the window. His girlfriend got mad at him she wanted to go again. So he got out of the car and went to find the condom. He found that a little boy had found it and when he asked for it back the boy refused. "C'mon" he begged, "I'll give u a dollar." "Well," little boy thought, "Okay." So the little boy ran home. "Mom, you'll never guess what just what just happened! I sold this guy a twinky for a dollar, but I tricked him. I sucked the cream out of it first!"
IDEAL DATE At 17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in 25 "Split the check before we go back to my place" 35 "Just come over." 48 "Just come over and cook." 66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
A husband and wife were in their back yard, and he was noticing her expanding backside. He commented, "Boy, your ass is getting big.almost as big as the gas grill here." She angrily stomped across the yard, and he followed saying, "Yep, that thing is getting huge." At this, the wife retreated to the far side of the yard. Soon he approached with a tape measure, acquired the width, and exclaimed, "It IS as big as the gas grill!" Later that night when they were in bed, the husband started making moves on his wife. She just turned away. "C'mon, honey," he said, "what's wrong?" Her cold reply was, "I'm not firing up this grill for just one little weiner!"
