MOSCOW, RUSSIA - A drunk security man asked a colleague at
the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bullet-proof
vest to see if it protected him against the knife.....

It didn't and the 25-year-old guard died of a heart wound. 

"GOP leaders have returned from that bash in Palm Beach for
donors of $175,000," says Hamilton. "Last Year, Congress
promised to do something about special-interest contributions.
What they have decided to do is deposit them." 

Warning label on 
Nytol (a sleep aid): "Warning: May cause drowsiness."