Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama,
redefined the limits of tactlessness when he
opened his eyes after surgery to restore his
sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy,
you sure have got fat in four years.'

The Wipe-Up

Find a friend who likes to show off or prove himself all the time, then 
tell them you have a test of speed and reaction for them and that you 
think you are faster. what you do is pour some water on a tile floor (a 
puddle about 10" wide works well), grab a fork and a towel and tell them 
you think you can wipe up the water before they poke you with the fork. 
Also tell them that you are really quick and to make it fair they need to 
sit on the floor near the puddle with their legs spread to the sides so 
the puddle is between their knees. Here is where the fun stuff comes in, 
tell them to go on three, then start counting (all the while you are 
holding the towel) one - two - th....grab their feet and drag their ass 
through it

Sent by Keith

I was sitting behind a car at a stop light the other day and I noticed that
it had a bumper sticker that read "Honk if you love Jesus". So I thought
about it a bit and since I loved Jesus, I honked my horn.

I was very suprised when the driver of the car got out and yelled, "The
light is still red you asshole!!!!" got back in the car and drove off
through the light which had just turned green.