Karaoke is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"

"Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"

"Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of
 ascension."

-- In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers

The hardest thing about any political campaign is how
to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning. 

     - Adlai Stevenson 

"Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax"