"Its a far far better thing I do than to require that you find me a hammer
 and pummel me with all due diligence, but yet remember that it is I, your
 solicitor, who keeps you from aligning too much with the listerine salesman."

-- The Surrealist Compliment Generator,

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." 

Joe E Lewis.

"Does anyone want to keep the rubber maid...?"
                        -- Cathy Jenkins

Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear.

     - Lazarus Long 

"... the movie looks it was filmed by a rhesus monkey with a video camera. The
 editing looks like it was performed by a rhesus monkey with a Cuisinart.
 Apparently, if you're a rhesus monkey, you can really go places in Hollywood."
                        -- Mr. Cranky