A shiftless young fellow of Kent 
               Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent. 
                    But as she grew older, 
                    The landlord grew colder, 
               And now they live out in a tent. 

There was an announcer named Herschel 
               Whose habits became controversial, 
                    Because when out wooing 
                    Whatever he was doing 
               At ten he'd insert his commercial. 

                    There once was a lady from Salem
                            
                    Who used to take cocks and inhale 'em.
                            The fruits of these feats:
                            Pubic hairs from her teeth
                            
                    Were saved until Fall when she'd bale 'em.
                            

                    There was a young man named Cattell
                            
                    Who knew psychophysics so well,
                            That each time he shit
                            He'd stop, measure it---
                            
                    It's length, and it's breadth, and it's smell.
                            

There was a young man had the art
Of making a capital tart
With a handful of shit
Some snot and a spit
And he'd flavour the whole with a fart.