As the end of the day drew near, the handsome executive 
called his newly hired red-headed assistant into his office. "Do you
know what time we quit around here ?" he asked.
"Sure !" the girl nervously giggled. "Whenever somebody 
knocks on the door."

For all of you out there who've had to deal with an irate customer, this one

is for you. It's a classic! In tribute to those 'special' customers we all

love! 

An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being

smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who

probably deserved to fly as cargo. A crowded United flight was canceled.  A

single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. 

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket

down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be

FIRST CLASS."  The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help

you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to

work something out."  The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that

the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?" 

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address

microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing

throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT

KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the

gate."  With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man

glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore, "F*** you." 

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have

to stand in line for that, too." 

The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?

Have you ever smelled moth balls? 

     - How did you get their little legs apart? 

New scientific thoeries

1st RunnerUp-  If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an
infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of
shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.